Dear Friends.

I have been watching you very closely to see if you
have been good this year and since you have I will
be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to
leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring
you all gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we
had a little problem. The 12 fiddlers fiddling have
all come down with VD from fiddling with the
10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have
knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers
piping have been arrested for doing weird things
to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4
calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the
partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird sh*t.

On top of all this Mrs. Claus is going through
menopause, 8 of my reindeer are in heat, 1/2 of the elves
have joined the gay liberation and some people who
can't read a calendar have scheduled Christmas for
the 5th of January. Maybe next year I will be able to get my sh*t
together
and bring you the things you want. This year I
suggest you get your Butts down to Walmart before
everything is gone.

Sincerely,

S. Claus